Will someone please explain to her that I am not that cool and that she really doesn't want to hang out with me as much as she thinks she does? I know I should enjoy this clinginess now before she gets to the age when even being seen in the car with me gets too embarrassing for her. I know that I need to soak this all up. I joke now- I really do love nothing more than hanging out with my baby.
It's all good stuff.
But I'm exhausted and I think we would both benefit from a full night's sleep or two... or a full night's sleep every night for forever. It would make me feel less crazy during the daytime and less like clocking my husband in the kisser in the middle of the night. I know I'm not the only mother in the world who has seriously considered packing up with the babies and leaving her husband in the wee hours of the morning while he snores peacefully like a bear in their bed.
That's how pissed off I get anyways. Sleep deprivation can make you very irrationally rational.
Baby Mochi really needs to take a lesson on sleeping through the night from her brother. Jude was sleeping through the night by 2 months old- and although he's always been difficult to put down, once he is down you could have a party in his room and he wouldn't budge. It would take an earthquake to wake him up- and even then, after this past weekend's earthquake phenomenon, I'm thinking it would take something more like the Big One or a Super Volcano. I take pictures of him all the time while he sleeps at night- flash bright in his face and all. This is to make up for all of the nights that I didn't go into his nursery when he was a baby to watch him sleep, because I was always too afraid to wake him back up again after I finally got him down. Little did I know, the kid is comatose when he's out and I could have gone and marveled at him all I wanted. Mark that up to another mommy coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Now with Mochi, we hang out all night long. She can't get enough of me in her room. She wakes up looking for me and my presence alone is enough for her to stop crying most of the time. I can see her smiling up at me from in her crib in the dark when I drag myself into her nursery and look over the railing.
How do you say no to that?
You don't say no to that. That's how.
I cling to the promise that she will someday sleep through the night. I go to bed every night on pins and needles wishing on a star that "This is the night! This is the night she will do it!"
So today I am thankful for sleep- what little I get of it anymore. I am thankful for my memories of good sleep and the promise of good sleep to come. I am thankful that my baby at least goes down to sleep like a dream and for the fact that my little boy is such a good sleeper.
Not so thankful for my husband's sleeping habits and the "survival mode" sleep he goes into when our baby cries.
I've pretty much forgotten what it's like to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time- but I still dream about it. Then right before I get to that good hard REM sleep, little Mochi beckons. Ohhhhh.... REM SLEEP.
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is REM sleep.
Thanks,
Meika
Dear Baby Mochi,
Here are some photos of your brother sleeping. Take notes. Give it a try. You will like it I promise.
It's GLORIOUS.
Love,
Mommy
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