Since Jude has been in Montessori school, his language has really taken off. Last night while they were rough housing around before bed, he told Taylor that he was going to kick him in the nuts. Taylor immediately raised an eyebrow (after we did a really terrible job of stifling our laughter) and looked at ME.
WHAT? Must I pay for the "Asshole" incident for forever? Geez.
"I didn't teach him that!" I squeaked, but still had to run through my memory to check and see if I did say that in front of him in the past. I may have thought in my head that I'd like to kick Taylor in the nuts before (although HELLO- I would never actually do it! Tell me you've never been so annoyed with your spouse that you've briefly considered giving him a swift kick to his guys down South?), I know for a fact that I've never used the phrase "kick you in the nuts" in front of our son.
He asked Jude who taught him that, and Jude laughed and said, "Mommy!"
He lies! My son lies. I'm raising a liar. Just kidding- about the liar part. I don't think he's a liar. I think he's 3 and doesn't know what he's talking about. So I forgive him.
Where he learned about kicking people in the nuts is still a mystery- although we have clarified, after he told me that he was going to kick me in the nuts too, that mommies don't have nuts. Only boys have nuts.
You could almost see the lightbulb go off in his head. He nodded and said seriously,
"Mommies have baginas." (vaginas)
Yes!
"I'm gonna kick you in the bagina!" followed by hysterical laughing.
No, no, no.
~sigh~
I will admit to accidentally making reference to his "balls" one night last week when I was trying to explain to him why he needs to keep his hands out of his pants. He's gotten into the habit of not only sticking his hands down his pants to mess with himself, but sometimes he pulls out his junk and starts laughing, exclaiming,
"I'm grabbing mine wee-wee!" followed by hysterical laughter.
What is it with guys and their junk? I didn't realize the obsession starts so early. We're working on this. It doesn't help that I have now given him reason to think that saying the word "balls" is funny- because as soon as I said it (immediately thinking, "D'oh! Damn it! I shouldn't have said that!"), his face lit up and he started giggling- proclaiming,
"Balls!" followed by gut busting, cackle-laughter. How did he instinctively know how funny that one little word can be? And how did I not have the will power to NOT join him in gut busting laughter? Why is it so funny to hear the tiny little voices of children say such inappropriate things?
After what became a 15 minute ordeal of me pleading with him through giggles to stop saying the word "balls!"- which he only repeated and began to shout and laugh harder about- I finally put on my serious face and said,
"Ok- we don't say that anymore. And Shhhhh. You're going to wake baby Mochi!"
He shot me a wicked smile, leaned in close, right in my face and whispered, "BALLS."
Except when he says it, he says it with a slight lisp- making it sound more like, "Ballths."
This is "Pukes" the spider. "Pukes" as in like the vomit. Don't ask me where he got the name- I'm not quite sure. I'm guessing it may have come to be such a popular thing to say for two reasons: A.) I use it a lot. More than I should- in reference to gross things making me want to puke, politicians and Fox "news" casters who make me want to puke and feeling so full of food that I could puke. B.) Taylor and Jude have a new thing where they say funny words to each other and die laughing about it, like "pukes," "fart," "nipples" and, well, I guess we can add "balls" to the list, although we are working on weeding that one out of the vocabulary.
"Pukes" joins Jude for all of his meals now, sitting on his place mat, seated on a little pink reuseable silicone cupcake holder and eats Mochi's baby puffs out of a sushi soy sauce ramekin.
Jude has yet to have that traumatizing experience with an actual living spider that will make him terrified or squeamish of them for the rest of his life. For now, Pukes the tiny $10-in-tokens plastic spider that he won with his tickets after a strenuous go at skee-ball at Chuckie Cheese stays in Jude's car seat to wait for his return after I pick him up from school every day.
Here is Jude doing yoga while eating corn on the cobb. He likes to show me his yoga moves while he eats. This makes me very happy.
Here is the contract for his summer school session. He got ahold of it and let me know what he thinks of the idea of summer school. Red ink! I'm impressed with the color selection. Really drives the point, you know? I would've used red ink too.
Passed out from playing, 2 nights in a row over the weekend. This is documented because it really has only happened in the past when he wasn't feeling well. These two crashes were simply the result of hard core playing. I can't lie- Taylor and I were pretty pleased with this. We work hard to wear our little pistol out. It almost becomes a contest- who can wear who out first. Jude almost always wins. These two early evenings, he was passed out by 7 p.m.
We finally won a couple of rounds.
Victory!
A little weekend bonus!
MOCHI
Vivienne is 10 months old. WTH? How can this be? Amber sent me this photo of Viv from our kick ass Friday at the zoo last week and it made my jaw drop when I realized how big she is getting. I see her every day, all day- so I don't notice her growth sometimes. Then you get a photo from someone else and it's like they capture this whole crazy new aspect of your baby and you are just floored.
She's growing- that's for sure. Crawling every where, pulling up on everything- up the stairs, around the house and straight towards everything she's not supposed to be messing with. She doesn't seem too interested in walking yet, and that's just fine with me. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for what it's going to be like chasing two children who are on foot. With Jude, we were always encouraging him to "go go go," advance to the next level! With Mochi, I'm happy to let her take her time.
I love shopping with a little girl. She's already much more tolerant and patient when it comes to letting me fart around in stores than Jude was. Even as just a baby, Jude would get whiney and antsy and annoyed when I would take too long to shop and look around. Unless a Hot Wheel or some toy vehicle was involved, he was ready to go A-Wall from the store. Typical guy. With Mochi, she's happy to look with me- touch things and check stuff out. Happy as can be. She also has taken a liking to jewelry. I've been letting her dig around in my costume jewelry box and take stuff out. She LOVES it. She gets all excited and will hold stuff up for me to look at and get excited about too.
I was gushing about this to Taylor one day, showing him our baby girl sitting in my closet, having a blast digging around in my jewelry box.
"Look babe! She loves jewelry!"
He smiled, then thought for a minute.
"Great. This is going to get expensive."
Ha!
I have no shame...
in being that mom...
in the middle of a store...
who acts a fool to make her baby do cute things for me to take pictures of with my camera phone.
"How big is Mochi???? SO BIG!"
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
This teeny tiny pair of jellies... oh man. I just can't get enough of them. I never thought a tiny pair of baby shoes could make me so retarded giddy- but these sure do. I don't get retarded giddy often. I'm not really the retarded giddy type of girl. But of all my few retarded giddy moments, I'd have to say that slipping these tiny jellies onto Mochi's tiny baby feet for the first time, on one of our first real spring-like days this season, was definitely in the top 5- right up there with the day I got to pick out my very first kitten when I was 12, the first time the biggest crush of my life (up until that point at least) held my hand at a Bush concert when I was 16, and when Taylor busted out an engagement ring after a night of New Years Eve drinking and asked me to marry him.
Retarded giddy moments. Priceless.
She's gotten really expressive over the past week. She giggles all the time. I'm learning that baby girl giggles could solve all the world's problems if we could just put them all collectively in a jar and release them out into the atmosphere. Mochi and I play a game where I make a serious face at her and she cracks up, giggling at me. It's my new current most favorite thing ever, although I can't help but think that this game is not going to be so funny when she's 13 or 14 and my serious face isn't meant to make her laugh at me anymore.
RANDOM
I'v been seeing these super creepy headless, armless, Tim Burton-eque, demented Barbie-bodied jewelry holders all over the place. They kind of freak me out. What freaks me out even more, is that a lot of them are dressed in super cute fashions. I see them and start overanalyzing them to death and the sheer capacity of my thoughts overwhelm me.
What does this represent? What does the popularity of this kind of weirdness represent?
Fashion and the slender form of the female figure minus the head (brains and face!) of the female...
Why not have a head and make the jewelry hooks like Medusa hair? Why cut off the head?
This says something to me about our culture's obsession with the shallow and superficial.
It makes me fear for my baby girl- thinking about the kind of culture she is going to grow up in as a female.
Yikes. All of my women's studies courses start to come back to me and I get really annoyed with those ridiculous jewelry holders.
I think these things and must push my baby in my shopping cart away in a hurry...
to the next aisle...
get out my camera phone...
"How big is Mochi? SO BIG!"
Yaaaaaaaay!
Sometimes baby brains are a blessing.
I'm considering turning my cat Niles into a catskin hat. I haven't thought about this since he puked on my bed awhile back, but he's been eating my fucking orchid and I could KILL the little shit. Notice how the pretty yellow centers of the bottom two flowers are missing.
My camera phone wouldn't pick up the tiny teeth marks punctured all over the petals, but they're there.
Needless to say, Niles and I currently are not on speaking terms.
What an asshole.
Back on the Paleo diet- 70/30 at least. This leaves me room for Orange Leaf from time to time- where I am now a frequent-flyer card holding customer, thank you very much.
It's almost swim suit season! And even though I'm graduating to a "mom" bathing suit this year- AKA one piece that is small-child-clinging-to-me-in-a-pool friendly- that doesn't mean that I'm not concerned about how I fit into it.
The photo above is one of my very favorite sides: Okinawan eggplant with green onions, mushrooms and spinach (from Peach Crest farms right here in Oklahoma, which makes it even yummier!). It's a dish my grandma makes, and my mom makes, and now I make, and I will teach Mochi to make.
We eat it with tuna sashimi and Nori (seaweed paper)- minus the white rice.
Paleo pizza. I made this tonight and it was happy food dance good. Instead of the sausage version that I usually make, I used chicken thighs, artichoke hearts, kale, fresh diced garlic, diced tomatoes, diced yellow peppers and sun dried tomato pesto sauce. It's not PIZZA pizza by any means, but it's a very satisfying substitute for this diet. The crust is made of almond meal and is soooooo good.
Here are the loves of my life watching Little Einsteins. It's Jude's favorite show- and now Mochi's favorite show. Mochi doesn't really have much to go off of, in regards to favorite television shows, since I don't turn the TV on until the 6 o'clock news in the evenings on the weekdays and she doesn't get TV time until Jude gets home and he gets to watch his one show- but she already recognizes the intro music when Jude watches it, and already does a bouncy dance and claps her hands and gets all excited.
Watching the 3 of them on the couch together, when Jude is actually holding still and being quiet for 20 minutes, is a little slice of happiness in my world.
Makes me a little retarded giddy.
Which makes me think that maybe I've evolved into more of the retarded giddy type than I like to think I am...
And that's what's up!
