So, what are the benefits of yoga? Why would anyone want to develop a yoga practice?
My research and interviewing aside, these questions have made me brainstorm and reflect on my own practice and how I came to find myself with a practice at all- because for many, many years, I had no interest in yoga whatsoever.
I don't think I'm alone in having been skeptical of yoga, once upon a time. The idea of having a "yoga body" of course has always been appealing, but there always seemed to be this whole lifestyle and mindset that I didn't get or care much to explore- like you had to be a certain kind of person with a certain way of living to practice yoga- and by God, I wasn't about to conform to anything to attain that yoga bod, no matter how incredible all those yoga girl's figures were.
Before I developed what has become a consistent yoga practice of my own just this past couple of years, I had taken some classes on and off to check it out, but at that earlier point in my life, it wasn't fast-paced enough for me. It wasn't aggressive enough for me. In all honesty- it bored me and I wasn't exactly looking for what I perceived to be the fruit loopy, vegan, peace-loving hippie stretch fest that was yoga.
Throughout my 20s, if I were to exercise at all, I would take a kickboxing class and go beat the hell out of a punching bag for an hour or so, then light up a cigarette on my walk back to the car after leaving the gym.
Having grown up taking martial arts with my brother, kickboxing was comfortable, familiar and released a lot of pent up frustration and untapped aggression that I had yet to confront and deal with in those days.
Tree pose? Downward dog? Try a swift right hook and kick to the face! That pretty much sums up the mindset.
Then, as is typical for so many women, I got pregnant and that hard rock loving, drinkin, smokin, punching bag beatin' chick who you couldn't pay to slow down was forced to slow down and adapt to an entirely alien lifestyle. It was strange. It was unfamiliar. It was awkward and uncomfortable.
It was an era of body evolution that truly humbled me as a woman and human being. Being pregnant, particularly around the last part, is to be physically handicapped. To hurt when you walk.To struggle to get off of a couch, or the toilet or to even get the fuck out of bed.
Operating as a life-creating vessel had this way of making me panic and freak out about the future of this bag of bones I toted around and manhandled on a day to day basis. My body wasn't just mine anymore, and having to share it meant I had to take better care of it.
Pregnancy also smoothed down and softened what I know now was my "edge"- something my ego once thrived on (still? I think a certain element of our hard-wired egos never fully evolve). Taming this diluted version of my ego wasn't (hasn't been) easy- since you know how easily our egos like to be tamed, right?
Then after Jude came and all the physical stuff came to a head, the real fun began when it finally dawned on me, this watered down, tamer, safer, softer version of myself: Being a mother means being pulled into every direction at all times, never sitting down, constantly tending to someone else's needs before your own, unable to have your own thoughts and mind to yourself for 5 minutes, cleaning shit up constantly, being available for physical affection at the drop of a hat, not listening to music you like as loud as you like and sacrificing watching/reading/listening/eating/going places/talking on the phone/taking a shower/ordoinganythingelseunderthesunthatyouwanttodo because your needs are no longer the priority.
It means thatyourmindbasicallyfeelslikethissentenceallthetimebecauseyouhavesomuchtodoandsomuchgoingonthatyoufeelcrazymostofthetime.
I've always appreciated a little craziness, but I didn't initially care much for the out of control kind of crazy that came with being a brand new, first time mother. I loved my baby. I loved being a mother. But the loss of mind control? The loss of "me" time? Not so much.
I also didn't care much for the extra 50 lbs. I gained while pregnant. So, that being said, my journey towards the yoga way was not me seeking any kind of enlightenment or spiritual calling.
I'll call it what it was: a complete and total vanity mission.
Kickboxing was suddenly unappealing. After cuddling and nursing a baby all day, the idea of beating the shit out of a punching bag felt weird. It seemed inappropriate. I no longer had that pent up aggression inside to drive me to want to physically assault anything.
Having a baby made me feel... I don't even know how to describe it. Babies will blow your mind and change your game in every way, I'll just say that.
Exercise. I needed to get moving, that was for sure. But what to do? I did some running for a bit- but that got super old and super boring. Then I remembered yoga.
I suddenly was intruiged. Seeing my baby sleeping in his crib stirred inside of me a newfound sense of peace (despite all of the craziness- it's funny how that works)- and I was really digging it, so why not try some of that yoga Kool Aid, with all those peaceful hippies I'd chastised in the past?
Sure, why not?
At first it started as a way to drop pregnancy weight- and it did. Fast, once I found Tiffany and her class here in OKC. Which was great, and kept me going back. But then all this other awesome stuff started happening after going to yoga for a couple of weeks...
My mind started feeling clearer. I found myself breathing easier. Unbeknownst to me as it was happening, I was being trained to find stillness in my own thoughts when I was off the yoga mat and outside of class- be it in the car or amidst the chaos of a toddler running circles around me in my house.
I found myself craving my yoga time, two to three days out of the week. No matter how hectic or stressful things got at home (in between all of the love and happiness and joy that comes with motherhood too- don't get me wrong. Isn't all that a given? Shouldn't that go unsaid? Probably, but mommy guilt inevitably makes me reiterate my joy. Part of the package folks!), I knew I had my yoga time to just have me to myself. To concentrate on me and my body and my thoughts and my energy and my physical well-being.
So I continued going and became a yoga addict- hot yoga, specifically. Then I got pregnant again, 10 months later. Gained another 50+ lbs. with Viv. Discovered that it's even harder being pregnant while chasing around a toddler than it is being pregnant the first time.
I could hardly wait to get back in the studio after I had Viv- and the physical challenge of getting back into my yoga groove and guiding my body back into it's normal state has been one of my life's greatest joys and accomplishments- because through pregnancy and motherhood and yoga practice, all three synergizing hand-in-hand with one another, I feel as though I've become the master of my own body.
Call it the control freak in me- but hot damn, it sure does feel good. Feeling comfortable and happy and confident in your own skin is quite possibly one of the best feelings ever. I have yoga to thank for much of that goodness!
From my own experience, yoga has greatly enhanced my life- not just in ways that I expected and hoped for (Get into better shape after having babies! Fit into my damn pants again! Whittle away what was starting to become mommy "bye bye" arms!), but even better, it has enhanced my life in ways that I didn't foresee, which is where I think the real magic of yoga lies (for me at least).
Physically, I've gained improved flexibility and posture, increased strength and range of mobility, a greater awareness of my body and a more conscientious way of carrying myself.
I honestly can't imagine being a mother and chasing around two small children without having a consistent yoga practice.
Picking them up, carrying them around, rough housing with them, chasing them (for play or because they're literally running away from me out of spite), juggling holding them while doing other things simultaneously with my other hand, squatting in front of a bathtub to wash them, squatting to pick up an endless items they drop on the floor while I'm holding them... the list of things that you do as a mother that are easier because of the strength, flexibility, increased range of motion and breath training is endless.
The ability to stop and collect your thoughts and be present in the moments of chaos and craziness that come with having children is not something that we all inherently know how to do. I had to learn to deal with stress in a healthy way, versus the only way I'd ever known how to before- which was running off to take a smoke break.
If pregnancy made me, for the first time in my adult life, fully appreciate having an able, healthy body, then yoga has taught me how to truly be present in that appreciation- and how to nurture that appreciation and keep it thriving so I don't take my able body for granted and forget how grateful I am to have it.
Mentally, yoga has helped me to develop an ability to be present in my own thoughts and find stillness and peace in my own mind amidst the go-go rush of the every day, and I've learned how to remind myself to accept things I can't control instead of resisting them- which is a daily challenge.
I've found a sense of balance I can apply to every day life- not just when I'm in class. It's aspects like these, beyond the physical, that have truly solidified yoga as something I have incorporated as a staple in my lifestyle, not just my exercise routine.
I think that finding the right kind of class and the right teacher is also crucial to maintaining a practice- since little do most people who aren't familiar with yoga know: there are so many different kinds of yoga classes and teachers out there, so there is bound to be one that fits you just right. One kind of class and teacher might not do it for one person, but that same class might be perfect for someone else. So that being said, yoga really is for EVERYBODY, of EVERY size and EVERY age.
For me personally, although there is craziness in my everyday- there is a very specific routine to the craziness in my everyday. I operate best in routine and structure as best I can- so I need a yoga class that provides me some of the opposite, which is some unpredictability.
Tiffany's classes are never the same. She mixes it up. She keeps me on my toes. Every class is something new- but there is consistency in her tempo and her style, which satisfies my need for routine. She plays music in class- her classes are challenging, always moving and HOT.
I don't even like hot. In fact, out of the hot yoga studio, I quite frankly hate being hot. Or warm even, for that matter. I hate to sweat and I can't stand heat. In the winter, I keep my AC on in my car, if that explains anything.
But being drenched in sweat in the hot yoga studio feels incredible. It's an entirely different world for me in there- away from my comfort zone and day to day.
Yoga makes me a better mother. It makes me a better wife. It has helped make me a happier, more positive person, which in turn I think has helped to make me a better friend and overall citizen and steward of this fine planet we coexist on.
Yeah, I've been drinkin' the yoga Kool-Aid. And you know what? It's super tasty. And healthy. And amazing. And you should try it. And read my story when it comes out in November.
Namaste bitches!
May 2011, 39 weeks pregnant with Vivienne
January 2012, thanks to yoga I found my way back into my own body
Everything I do, I do for these two!
Jude's Warrior III
Vivienne's Downward Dog
