I know he's still only 2 and a half- still quite the little bitty boy. It's not like he's left home for college yet or anything. But I'm starting to come to grips with the fact that that day will come and this first day of actual pre-school is the beginning of something much bigger- for all of us here at the Hines house.
Plus, I'm a nostalgia whore, what can I say? The baby and I got home from dropping him off and the silence when we walked in the door was just WEIRD. I made a cup of "who am I trying to kid this isn't real coffee" decaf coffee, laid Viv out on the big quilt on the living room floor and propped myself up next to her. It felt like five seconds ago I was on the same quilt in the same room with baby Jude, chatting baby talk and working on tummy time and wiping off the leaky faucet that is an infant's mouth dribbling drool everywhere.
How can it be that it's already just me and my second child while the oldest is at school? My mind is blown once again.
I'm imagining that most stay-at-home moms go through this when their oldest starts pre-school. After having this child by my side since the day he was born, adjusting to having him gone for the better half of the day all week makes a part of my heart feel a little like an ice cream scooper just dug a big chunk out of it.
When Taylor and I decided that I would quit my job to be at home to care for our children (one impending at the time, more planned for the future), I thought that I would keep them here with me until kindergarten. What was the point of sending a toddler off to school when he has me at home to hang out with him?
But now I'm discovering that Jude's personality needs more than what I can provide for him. He's hungry to learn and be around other children more often. Our mommy and child dynamic makes for mostly playtime, care taking time and whiney time (whiney time for mostly Jude, but often me too)- not the kind of learning time that Taylor and I want for him, despite my clueless attempts at it. Despite all of the education I've acquired, my college degree doesn't mean that I know jack about teaching children.
I've done my best on my own. He knows his ABCs. He can count to 20. Colors, shapes, words, weather, animals... he knows good stuff. He's bright. He's assertive. He's talkative. He's inquisitive. He's outgoing. He's social. He's amazing.
Many parents want to believe that their star shines the brightest, but that's so egotistical and conceited. I just like to believe that my star shines brightly: Period.
I woke him up this morning at 7- which was an hour earlier for all of us- and he wasn't thrilled about it. But I reminded him that he would start Montessori school today and he immediately got excited and was ready to get moving (yay, all the pep talking we've been doing worked!). Getting dressed, eating breakfast in a bit of a hurry and bustling out the door isn't something we're really accustomed to- at least before 10 in the morning. Our routine involves a lot of lolly gagging around in our PJs.
The get "up and at it" will probably be much harder on me than it will be on him considering I'm not getting a full night's sleep and I'm definitely not an "up and at it" morning person myself (must be where he gets it from). Children are optimist and pliable. Grown ups are grumpy and stuck in their ways.
So now here I am. Baby Viv is sleeping and I feel like I have all of this extra time that must be utilized. I forgot what it's like to be alone in the house with just an infant. What do do? What to do?
There's always a never ending list of typical domestic crap that isn't much fun but must be done. I have my music column to work on- interviews to set up, research to do. My big Miranda Lambert interview is this upcoming Friday and now I'll have plenty of time to bone up for what will be one of my biggest features stories to date.
On this first day of Jude at school I've decided that since I will have plenty of time throughout the week to handle my obligations and responsibilities, I shall peruse baby photos of my little Montessori learning bee.
I check the clock and it's still far too early for lunch. The fact that I'm on the computer this early in the day, uninterrupted, is foreign to me. I miss my sidekick running in here half naked from stripping down after using the potty, shouting about cars, begging for juice and gummies, hanging onto my leg, wanting to be held and chased, getting into everything his little hands can get ahold of (like TROUBLE) and whining about this, that or the other.
I think I may just hug him half to death when I get my hands on him again this afternoon.
3 or so months old. Our all-time favorite photo of Jude. It is framed in three different rooms in the house so we can see it all the time.
GO GET YOUR LEARN ON BUDDY BOY!
