There's so much to learn and think about!
First off, I'm disappointed and astonished that the documentary film "Bully," which actually features the stories of 2 Oklahoma children and their families, is not playing any place in the state. One of the families is that of an Oklahoma boy who killed himself after enduring years of torment by his peers, and the other is of a lesbian student and her family who was shunned and taunted by neighbors, former friends and even teachers and educational "professionals" after coming out.
I'd like to see the subject of bullying brought into a further reaching light by having this film offered and available more expansively here- AKA have it screened some place and featured in a forum that reaches as many parents, kids, educators and others as possible- this based solely on the fact that the consequences of bullying has finally found its way into mainstream concern and awareness after a growing number of high profile cases have made national attention.
Perhaps and hopefully this might help cause a ripple effect and leak into the consciousness of more college-aged people and other adults, and have an influence over how people treat other people that they view as different- because there are just as many adult bullies as there are children who are bullies.
I haven't seen "Bully" yet, but for this feature story I feel like I need to- and I'm going to find a way to somehow. Addressing the subject and being proactive about it just seems to me to be something that must become more of a social responsibility.
It's a real social problem- it always has been. But I think it's always been overlooked or swept under the rug as, "Kids just being kids."
Kids just being kids only goes so far. Allowing children to be hateful, mean-spirited assholes to one another- or to anyone for that matter- shouldn't be socially acceptable. Some people say getting teased and picked on makes kids tough, and that kids should suck it up and not be pansies and stick up for themselves (particularly with boys)- but if you really think about it, that's bullshit. And it's lazy on the parents/adults part.
Getting bullied and picked on can indeed make a kid tougher. But not all kids are wired to gain strength from cruelty. They're all individuals, and we're all affected differently. Schoolyard politics and social "rules" are far more complicated and messy and confusing than we give them credit for. I think as adults, parents have a tendency to forget what it's like to be in grade school.
We were all school students once upon a time. We know how cruel children can be to one another. If you've never been a victim of bullying, then maybe you don't know- but it fucking sucks. Yes- I got bullied when I was younger. By boys, not so much girls, which to me made it worse. I got cornered by boys and called a Gook and a Chink and ugly. Boys pulling back the corners of their eyes and talking to me in "fortune cookie" accented voices. I got followed home from school with boys harassing me with racial slurs. I had kids telling me my mother was a Jap (I mean, really- where do 11 year-olds even learn what Japs are? Do we detect a little racist parental influence here? Hello...) and telling me that I must have been adopted at birth because my dad was too white.
Did it mess with my head? My self-confidence and my self-esteem? You betch'ya.
Did it make me tougher? Most def. But I can't lie and deny the fact that it fucked me up in high school. Some kids recover and move on with their lives after bullying. Some don't though.
So maybe that's why this story hits home. I'm excited to finally have the opportunity to write a serious story on such a serious subject. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy everything I get the opportunity to write for the magazine- but this is my first feature story that has the tone for all the kinds of social awareness bringing things that I was hungry to write about and focused my papers on in college.
This subject reaches beyond simply the subject of bullying as well- which makes it all the more interesting. It touches on race, it touches on homosexuality, it touches on class and the American cast system, it touches on the nature of violence and cruelty and discrimination that is rooted in the ugliest dark corners of our culture.
Exciting stuff, folks!
Both the victims and the bullies need to be put under microscopes. You have to wonder what the hell is going on with a kid who bullies and torments other children. Kids like that obviously have their own problems to make them that way. I wonder about the parents of kids who bully. I wonder about school administrators and teachers and other adults in influential and powerful positions who have the responsibility to address the issue and take action. I wonder what it is that prevents students from taking action and sticking up for their bullied peers- and I wonder what we can do as parents to help our kids become the kind of people who have the courage to take stands against behavior that they witness and recognize as mean-spirited and wrong.
How much of our own actions and behavior influence and affect the way a child behaves and treats his/her fellow man/woman? After all- isn't it our responsibility to instill the very values in them that we wish to see them take out into the world? By refraining from addressing the subject of bullying and discussing it with them, because it hasn't yet seemed to rear its ugly head first-hand, are we telling them that it's not a big deal?
When they hear us making negative commentary or badmouthing someone for WHATEVER reason (physical appearance like weight or the way someone dresses, racial/gender/sexual orientational stereotypes, etc.), how much of that do our kids absorb and how much are we programming their brains to believe it's acceptable to be MEAN?
As a parent now, this subject is especially concerning to me. I don't want my children to ever be bullied. I also don't want my kids to ever be bullies either. I want to know all about bullying.
The research I am finding is fascinating. I love the feeling of gears turning in my head.
"BE NICE OR LEAVE"
